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I asked a mate of mine what he'd got his wife for Christmas.
He replied 'A pair of slippers and a dildo'.
Upon seeing the look of confusion on my face he ventured...
'If she don't like the slippers she can go and fuck herself'!
They arrive at the Pearly Gates and form an orderly queue in front of Saint Peter.
Saint Peter greets them and explains the terms of admission into heaven.
He then says to the first nun 'Have you ever had any contact with a man's penis'?
The first nun replies 'I once touched one with my finger'.
Saint Peter tells her 'Then you must wash your finger in that holy water before entering Heaven.
Saint Peter says to the second nun 'Have you ever had any contact with a man's penis'?
The second nun replies 'I once touched one with both my hands'.
Saint Peter tells her 'Then you must wash both your hands in that holy water before entering Heaven.
With that the fourth nun pushes past the third nun and shouts out 'If you think I'm gargling with that holy water after she's washed her arse in it'...
