Years ago when I still lived at my parents house, I was watching TV one evening when the door bell rang. There, standing at the door was a very pretty girl with long dark hair. She introduced herself as Sharon, whom I had gone out with two or three years earlier. And so it was, she'd grown up and had blossomed as they say.

I invited her in and made her welcome. She had become a model, she told me and had been doing assignments in Spain and had some photographs to prove it. I suggested we go out for a drink and she readily accepted. I was, not surprisingly, very stiff in the shower and it took a lot of will power not to wank myself off then and there but she'd always been very sexual before when I went out with her and I was convinced we would be fucking later. I could not believe my luck and I said a little prayer of thanks.

I had to drive as she'd arrived by cab and we set off in my old Chevrolet convertible, she was very impressed, just as I had intended. We went to a nice old pub for some drinks and a chat. We got on like the proverbial house on fire and had a lovely time together. On the way home I suggested we stop somewhere dark for a cuddle. We found the entrance to a field and reversed through it into the pitch dark field.

We started kissing passionately and our hands were all over each other when she spoke those two most dreaded words 'I'm on'. Words cannot describe that feeling of disappointment and most guys will know what I mean.

'No worries' I said, slightly unconvincingly as I gently pushed her hand down onto my throbbing cock. 'It doesn't matter'. The plan worked just as I had hoped it would. She, feeling guilty, had now decided to cheer me up with a blow job and I was not about to stop her! I helped her undo my zip and top button and lifted my arse off the seat to aid her in removing my trousers. My cock which was a rod of iron loudly smacked my stomach as it sprung back from my pants as they too were removed.

She grasped my shaft and raised it to her mouth, her tongue licking just under my helmet, then she took it all the way into her mouth. Heaven. I lay back and closed my eyes and it was then that I remembered that I had a tube of KY Jelly in a carrier bag under the bench seat. 'Hey, I've got a great idea' I said rather cryptically. She stopped sucking and watched as I raised myself up so that I could reach down the back of the bench seat...

I found the plastic bag and put my hand inside it. I could feel the pots of Crazy Colour hair dye in there as my fingers tried to locate the KY tube. Shit, I thought, someone has trodden on the bag and split the tube, I could feel the wet lubricant on my hands. Not to worry, I just slapped some on my cock and lay back to continue getting sucked and wanked off. Sharon continued sucking for a while and then said 'It tastes funny'. I just replied 'Sharon, it's a blow job, not a Pepsi Challenge' and we both burst out laughing. Anyway, I applied yet more 'lube' and she continued sucking and I soon ejaculated deep down her throat. It was fantastic.

I drove her home and dropped her off outside her parents house. I did not hang around as I'd had a 'run in' with her father when I went out with her before and I did not want to 'bump' into him.

When I got home, I said goodnight to my parents and went upstairs to go to bed but first I went to the toilet. I pulled my cock out and nearly fainted, it was emerald green! I then realised what had happened. It wasn't the KY tube that had been split but rather the contents from one of the pots of Crazy Colour hair dye that had leaked. And it dawned on me that Sharons mouth must also be emerald green and that she wouldn't know until she looked in a mirror or worse when she was told by her parents when she said goodnight to them...

Mother Superior walked into the convent dormitory at midnight.

"Ok girls" She announced. "Candles out"!

Quality Adult Sex DVDs are doing another of their excellent special offers. Apparently every third Porn DVD is FREE.

By my reckoning that means you buy any two porn DVDs from their selection of thousands and then you can choose another (probably the cheapest) DVD for absolutely nothing! That's the same as getting up to 33% discount, so it would be churlish to complain.

This is probably a good time to get that Cytherea Squirting DVD that you've been promising yourself. She's fantastic, could do with bigger tits from my point of view but when it comes to fucking she is something else! And as for the squirting, well, that is incredible...

This is another genuine short-time offer from this excellent Dutch based porn outfit. Their prices are very good too, I have bought Porn DVDs from them before and have always been pleased with the service, so I don't have a problem recommending them.

If you want sex, pull my cock once. If you don't want sex, pull my cock 99 times.
~ Anonymous

I found this amazing site the other day and I thought I'd tell you about it. It's called Fucking Machines and not surprisingly, it's full of pictures & movies of women getting fucked by machines!

These machines are like something out of Star Wars and have huge dildos attached to piston rods which are attached to eccentric wheels. Heath Robinson must be turning in his grave!

Worse still, they thrust these huge dildos deep into well oiled vaginas at up to 350 RPM!

Go to the site and check out the free previews. It's amazing, you can see the looks of ecstacy on the women's faces and some of them are even squirting as the dildos relentlessly pound their vaginas. The previews have the actual vagina blurred out which is a shame but put your hand in your pocket and you get to see the actual penetration...

What chance do us mere men have with these fucking fucking machines?

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.10.

She has probably got a long face due to the fact that she does not appear to have a nose.

Without a nose, how does it smell?

The answer is, probably like fish.

My advice? Fuck first and ask questions later.

Check out Pussy Monster No.9.

What's the difference between Jamie Oliver (the TV Chef) and a cross country run?

One is a pant in the country...

She was only the morse coders daughter

But she did it, did it, did it.

Sex is like snooker, often it's a question of either the easy pink or the tight brown.
~ Anonymous

I have not tried this one yet myself but here's another Adult Webcams site to check out. There are hundreds of webcams and the girls look very sexy...

I'll give it a go soon and let you know what I think.

Quality Adult Sex DVDs have just started a 'Love Is In The Air' special offer and are now selling Hardcore Porn DVDs from as little as £3.95!

That's a lot cheaper than a packet of cigarettes and a Porn DVD won't make you smell like an ash tray and it won't ruin your health. Also, you will still be getting enjoyment from it in a year's time!

I buy my porn DVDs from these guys and this is a genuine offer, there's no catch.

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.9, Too-wit-towoo...

She's a bit of a night owl or should that be night howl?

She's a foul fowl for sure!

If you're up for a bit of a hoot, then you could try this one out.

The beak looks a bit the worse for wear but be careful, like the other Pussy Monsters, she too can swallow large penises and loves cream pies...

Check out Pussy Monster No.8.

AdultsExoticA achieved the coveted pole position in MSN UK for the search term sex blog today. From an index of 5,809,591 pages containing sex blog MSN placed AdultsExoticA in position NUMBER 1 and therefore considers it to be the most relevant site. We never realised MSN had such good taste!

AdultsExoticA will continue to provide humourous and interesting articles on all aspects of sexuality. It is probably not politically correct and We don't give a fuck about that. It will never subscribe to that narrow minded way of thinking. Politicians should get on with running the country and leave us alone to make up our own minds on personal matters. AdultsExoticA is about having a laugh, about fun and about not taking things too seriously. We want to put a smile on your face.

Half of us have penises, the other half have vaginas, let's get together!

A guy comes home from work on a sweltering hot day, only to find his wife in the kitchen with her arse in the fridge.

"What the hell are you doing"? He asks.

His wife replies "I just thought that you might want to slip into something cool".

I wrote an earlier article about a mate of mine called Bubbsy Wubbsy, who had obviously found the g-spot years ago, before we had even heard of it. He called it 'rubbing the bone' and he always said that it drove women wild...

We had gone on holiday to Newquay in Cornwall and were staying at the Hendra camp site. In the evenings we used to go into the town to the Sailors Arms which was (and still is I believe) a disco pub. It was there that Bubbsy Wubbsy and my brother pulled two girls from Cannock Chase near Birmingham. They were taken back to the tents after the pubs closed and fucked senseless. Their words, not mine.

Anyway, Bubbsy Wubbsy's girl was a trainee school teacher and she was obviously smitten by him and even though we were all for notching up a good score on holiday, Bubbsy Wubbsy ended up with her several nights. "She's a great fuck" he told us, as if we needed to be told. Bubbsy Wubbsy had a reputation as someone who could fuck (noisily) for hours and we had been listening to him on the job all holiday. The whole camp site had!

The last fuck that they had went on and on and the rest of us eventually dropped off to sleep. Bubbsy Wubbsy told us the next morning that he fucked her all around the tent and at one point the school teacher got on top and rode him. She was practically screaming when she lifted herself off his throbbing cock and pissed all over him. He said that he stopped in his tracks but then continued fucking her. He was not impressed.

I now believe that it was not piss. She had squirted all over him because he was such a good shag and she probably thought it was piss too, in those un-enlightened times.

The following year we were all back at the Hendra camp site pitching our tents when both the girls walked up and said hello to us. I remember seeing the look on the school teachers face, it was a "You gave me the best fuck of my life and I want some more" look. Bubbsy Wubbsy dutifully obliged...

I wrote an article some time back about the First Time Video Girls site, it was called Sexy Girls.

I've been back for another look and suggest you do too. Check out the Video 3 on the top left of the home page (www.ftvgirls.com/models.html not the splash page) it's fantastic. It's FREE to watch and there are no catches or funny business involved.

It warns that this is Extreme and it is not joking! It starts off with girls sitting on very thick butt plugs, trying to get them all the way up their vagina's. So thick in fact that they could never be fully inserted but that sure does not seem to stop them trying!

Next comes my favourite bit, the fist fucking. These girls are forcing their whole fist into their pussy right up to the wrist and some of them are squirting in ecstacy. The look on their faces says it all, they are in heaven! These are truly beautiful girls not ugly old slappers, so apparently even gorgeous girls commit the most filthy sex acts these days. There's hope for us all. Excellent!

Next comes the vegetables, large cucumbers buried 8" - 10" deep in dripping vaginas. One girl lies back as a second pushes the cucumber as deep as it will go and then withdraws it with a tide-mark of love juice showing the extent of the penetration. Vegetarians will love this bit. Oh la la!

The next bit that I liked is after the breast milk section, the real close-up of the open wet pussy that flexes, such muscle control! You just want to stick your cock up it then and there!

If you are not wanking or absolutely rigid by the end of this movie clip then you are asexual, If you are a girl reading this I would assume you would have a wet wide-on. Watch this with your partner and you will be fucking eachother's brains out in a few minutes, it's a very sexually arrousing piece.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

I'm not sure of the significance of rabbits at Easter but we've all heard of the Easter Bunny.

Here's two that have been very naughty...

One's had it's back doors smashed in and the other looks as if it has come off worse from an encounter with Mick Hucknall (See Sex With Rabbits).

But if you are actually looking for rabbit vibrators try Bionic Tonic and then try some other UK sites to see if you can beat their prices. As far as I can see they are just about the cheapest around but don't take my word for it, do a search on Google UK.

Anyway, have a Happy Easter!

I found this site the other day that states that it is Rated #1 Nude Art Site in the World and I have to say that it is very, very good!

It is the personal works of award winning photographer Petter Hegre and it was rated by NudityHunter.com as 99/100, AdultSiteSurfer as 96/100 and AdultReviews as 9.5/10. That's high ratings...

This is erotica not porn. The girls are gorgeous and the photography is of the highest quality. They offer 6000 pixel images of all their new models to their members. Thats HUGE! Thats VERY HUGE!

So, if you enjoy looking at beautifully photgraphed beautiful naked women then this site is well worth a visit.

The 'Choose Three Pay For Two' offer has ended (unfortunately) at Quality Adult Sex DVDs. They are now doing another FREE DELIVERY special offer on their Hardcore Porn DVDs

I buy my porn DVDs from these guys and can highly recommend them.

Recent studies conducted in Australia speculate that men who regularly wanked in their 20s, may have a better chance of not developing prostate cancer in later life.

That's a great excuse/reason for wanking!

Read The Survey

I knew there was a reason I kept at it!

If the answer to the question is "Cock Robin".

What is the question?

"What's that up my arse, Batman"?

A weary young traveller was lost high up in the Alps when he came upon a farm house. He banged on the door and when an old farmer opened it he asked if he could stay the night.

The old farmer explained that he had a beautiful wife and a beautiful teenage daughter and was reluctant to let a handsome young man sleep under his roof for fear of what could happen.

The young traveller told the farmer that he appreciated the situation and would be happy to sleep in the barn. The old farmer warmed to the young man on hearing this and invited him to join the family for breakfast the following morning.

The young traveller did as asked and saw that the wife and daughter were indeed beautiful. The old farmer explained that he could do with some help on the farm for the next few days and the young traveller eagerly offered his help in return for a bed and hot meals.

The arrangement worked well for the next week and they all got along famously at meal times. But the young traveller eventually announced that he would be leaving the next day. The family were saddened to hear that their handsome stranger would be leaving them.

The following day, the old farmer decided he would return to the house to say a fond farewell to the young traveller. Upon arriving back at the farm he was surprised that his beautiful daughter was not out milking their cow and he went to her room to find out why.

He found her naked on the bed, legs apart, moaning gently. She had obviously been ravished. He immediately went and got his shotgun and set off in pursuit of the young traveller. The foot prints in the snow made his job easy but the young traveller had quite a head start.

As the old farmer went over the top of one ridge he looked across the valley and saw the young traveller nearing the crest on the far side. He stopped, put his hands to his mouth and shouted as loud as he could "YOU FUCKED MY DAUGHTER"!

The young traveller stopped, turned and shouted back "AND YOUR OLD L - A - D - Y"!

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.8, she's a lesser spotted beef curtain...

She too is a shaven haven, who needs curly wurly hair when you have curly wurly pussy lips.

She too is capable of swallowing large penises, dildos and vibrators! Small penises don't stand a chance!

Will respond kindly to a good licking.

You'd be surprised how attractive it can seem after 5 or 6 lagers!

Please don't be fooled by that dreamy look.

Check out Pussy Monster No.7.

My boss told me I wasn't fit to shovel shit, I told him I was.

They called her 'Butter Legs' because her legs spread easily.
~ Anonymous

Get a FREE Porn DVD when you buy any two porn DVDs from the Quality Adult Sex DVDs web site.

That's right. You buy any two porn DVDs from their selection of thousands and then you can choose another (cheaper) DVD for absolutely nothing! That's the same as getting up to 33% discount, so it makes sense to 'strike while your iron (or woody) is hot'!

This is another genuine short-time offer from this excellent Dutch based porn outfit. Their prices are very good too, I have bought Porn DVDs from them before and have always been pleased with the service, so I am very happy to recommend them.

I'm afraid I've been naughty again. Couldn't resist it. Yes I know I'm weak but... Talking of butts this girl had a lovely one.

I went back onto Sexhibitionism Webcams and looked in the Girl - Boy Couples section again. I found the sexy girl in the picture on the left and went into text chat mode. And incase you're wondering she's very pretty, I just thought you would prefer her butt!

First of all I went to the Profile section and read it, then I went through the Photo Archives. There are many photos in the archive and she is indeed a very sexy girl. Also, very sexually liberated. It's worth spending some time here to get a measure of what can be expected. There was the promise of much! And I was not disappointed!

Anyway, after a text chat conversation with her that established that she was naked, her guy was stiff and that they were ready to fuck, I went through to the video chat as they call it. The webcam, I'd call it...

This is how the webcam video session went:

The scene opens with SlnkyMoniq naked on the bed...
[11:43] SlinkyMoniq:
[11:43] SlinkyMoniq: u love anal?
[11:43] FrankLeopald: you've got a lovely pussy but i would like some anal
[11:44] SlinkyMoniq: mmmm
[11:44] SlinkyMoniq: ok
The guy arrives and puts his cock in SlnkyMoniq's arse and starts fucking her in the spoon position...
[11:45] FrankLeopald: please finger your pussy
SlnkyMoniq does as asked...
[11:47] FrankLeopald: can you get on top please
SlnkyMoniq gets on top facing me, she impales herself and fucks the guy...
[11:47] FrankLeopald: can you lift your legs
SlnkyMoniq does as asked to improve the view...
[11:48] FrankLeopald: can you turn around
I actually meant for SlnkyMoniq to face in the other direction. They must have misunderstood and got into the doggy style position. I had a great view of SlinkyMoniq's arse and pussy. The guy buried himself in her arse and continued to fuck her. It was as if I was only inches away, I could see the guys big balls banging up against SlinkyMoniq's pussy lips and his thick shaft sliding in and out of her arse...
[11:50] FrankLeopald: thanks very much. I've got to clean up the mess now. Bye!

Wow! That was fantastic, the total cost came to just over $9.00 and as far as I'm concerned, that was money very well spent! Once again there were no delaying tactics and no funny business.

My conclusion: Fucking Fantastic! It's your own private, real live sex show and it does NOT cost the earth. Like visiting a hooker (that's another story), it is something that everyone should experience. We're here for a good time not a long time. I can highly recommend it!

It bigger than a 'normal rabbit', it's stronger and faster. This vibrator is better suited to external erogenous zones (it's not suited to burrowing) and with some added fuzz it's more realistic!

Ladies and gentlemen...

The Pubic Hare!

But if you are actually looking for rabbit vibrators try Bionic Tonic and then try some other UK sites to see if you can beat their prices.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I would be looking into webcam sites and reporting back. Well I spent some time on Sexhibitionism Webcams today. I spent quite some time looking for a girl that I would fancy. The looking does take time but it's part of the fun anyway. I eventually found gangbangcpl in the Girl - Boy Couples section, that's them fucking in the photo on the left.

I registered for Free and that allowed me to use the text chat facility. I asked her who she was with, if she was naked and if she was having sex. The replies told me that she was with her guy, they were naked but not having sex YET! It sounded promising, so I told them I wanted to watch them fucking...

I paid up for viewing and by the time I started watching they were having sex doggy style.

The girl was pretty with nice big tits. When I asked her to finger herself, she did. Two fingers in please. She did. I asked them to resume fucking with her on top facing me with her legs up, so I could get a good view. They did everything that was asked.

Total cost came to just over $7.00 and as far as I'm concerned, that was money very well spent! There were no delaying tactics and no funny business.

My conclusion: Fantastic! It's your own private, real live sex show and it is great fun and very arrousing! I can highly recommend it!

Welcome to Pussy Monster No.7, she's got a nose like a pig...

Clean shaven with no visible 'mouth' it is nonetheless, a dangerous beast.

It has been known to swallow large penises whole and if caught in the wrong position will splutter and blow back at you!

When excited it will often 'froth at the mouth' or dribble uncontrollably and the nose will swell up and become more pronounced. You have been warned.

It truly is a hideous sight to behold and how I fucked it I'll never know.

Check out Pussy Monster No.6.

A bloody waste of fucking time.
~ Anonymous