My mate Big Al was recently dumped on holiday by his girlfriend of five years. His girlfriend had stayed at home, he was with some male friends.

Heartbroken, he decided to cheer himself up with a take-away. She was gorgeous looking and Al looked forward to a night of passionate sex.

Back in the hotel they both showered, he surreptitiously took a Viagra tablet. When she reappeared he suggested that she gave him a twenty minute massage. She readily agreed.

Al lay on his stomach, naked on the bed. The Thai girl massaged him, she was also naked. "Frank" He told me, "I could feel her schmoo on my back and I was rigid!"

When Al turned over, she took one look at his huge rigid cock and said she couldn't take it. Al is big, very big. Hence the name. Funnily enough, Al was actually slightly relieved. "That's OK" He said. "Just give me a blow job". She replied "I don't do blow jobs." "You don't fuck and you don't suck, what sort of hooker are you?" Saddened, the girl fell silent.

Being a gentleman Al said "I'll give you some pleasure" as he went down on her. Al assured me that cunnilingus was his thing. "Frank, if I was in some sort of Sexual It's A Knockout, I'd play my trump card on pussy licking!" After about ten minutes of passionate tongue flicking on her clit, Al asked if she was enjoying it. "Not really" she replied.

Finally, Al ran out of patience. "Get your clothes on and fuck off." He told her. "Please" She said, "Don't you find me sexy?"

Poor old Al. He told me "I never seem to have any luck with prostitutes."