A business man went out to the middle east on a business trip. When he landed at the airport he made his way to the rent-a-car desk only to find that there were no cars available. The friendly car rental assistant offered to rent him a camel instead. And when the business man pointed out that he'd never ridden a camel, offered him fifteen minutes free tuition in the car park. The business man decided that he had no alternative but to accept the offer.
The business man set off into the city on the back of the camel and after riding for about an hour, decided to stop for a cold drink. He tied the camel to a post outside the bar and went in. When he emerged twenty minutes later, the camel had gone.
The business man went to the local police station to report the theft. The statement was taken by the a weary looking police officer.
"What colour was the camel?" The officer asked.
"Grey" The business man replied, then thinking again as the officer wrote down his reply, changed his mind. "No, sorry, it was brown".
"Was the camel one humped or two humped?" The officer asked.
"One" The business man replied, then thinking again as the officer wrote down his reply, changed his mind. "No, sorry, it was two humped".
"Was the camel male or female?" The officer asked.
"Definitely female" The business man replied.
"Are you sure?" Asked the officer. "You weren't sure about the colour or whether it was a one humped or two humped camel".
"Yes it was definitely female" The business man confidently replied. "I distinctly remember someone shouting out as I rode by "Look at the cunt on that camel!"
If she's going to drown those puppies, I'll have the one with the brown nose!
Take that baby!
I would say he made a bad career choice...
A man arrives at a fancy dress party with a condom on his nose. When asked what he's come as, he replies "Fuck nose".
I found this the other day on a site but I can't remember the url...
These guys spend hours with their cocks and bollocks in special pumps and they end up like this!
I've tagged this under jokes but on reflection, is it a joke to have a penis like that?
It certainly would not be a joke having something like that pushed up you!
Apparently, it goes back to normal size after a few days... Mercy me!
Click to ENLARGE it (the picture that is, the cock doesn't need any more enlarging).
You can get Penis Pumps at my friends Bionic Tonic Online Sex Shop but I don't believe they are big enough to get your nuts in as well as your penis. Well they aren't for me!
A man walks into a chemist shop with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk past
the condom display and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use
them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see." Replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health
class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a packet of three and asks, "Why are
there three in this packet?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for
Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool"! Says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these
for?"
"Those are for college men." The dad answers. "Two for Friday, two for
Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" He asks, picking up a
12 pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January,
one for February, one for March..."
Fancy a pint?
Judging by the smell I thought it would have been bigger.
~ Anonymous
Bloody typical.
You get stripped off and lay back with a right riveting read and some plonker has to spoil it.
You'd think it'd never seen a pair of tits before!
But what a plonker!!!
According to an old wives tale wanking can affect your eyesight...
I can clearly see a frog so I must be ok, so far.
But would you kiss it?
Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you when you're wanking?
Check out this funny page on maturbators information.
I popped a couple of these babies this morning while my girlfriend was downstairs getting breakfast...
When she came back upstairs about 30 minutes later I was sporting a very stiff penis.
We had a fantastic passionate fuck in all positions for about forty minutes but she was not impressed with me when I withdrew my penis and ejaculated all over her.
Apparently, she finds me cumming inside her much more satisfying. She says she can actually feel the hot sperm pumping onto her cervix! Ye gods!
Any way, after doing some work, we decided to go and look for a new car for her. As we were driving to a garage I could not help noticing I had a hard-on and it would not go down.
It's bloody embarrassing try to look at cars for sale with a steaming hard-on, I can tell you!
The salesman must of thought it was because I liked the Audi TT he was showing us.
I was still rigid when we got back home, so we went back to bed for another glorious fuck. Heaven!
For those of you that don't know, Golden Root is a totally natural herbal version of Viagra. Obviously, it's not as strong but then again it's not going to give you a heart attack either.
It really does work! I find two capsules best works best for me. Buy Golden Root from my friends at the Bionic Tonic Sex Shop. They have the CHEAPEST PRICE that I can find on the web. Don't take my word for it, do a search and buy it wherever...
Hell, spend over £40.00 with them and get 1 300mg capsule FREE!
Ouch! What the fuck is this guy up to?
Sorry but we did say 'Exploring the weird, wonderful and exotic, adult world of sex' and this is very weird!
This guy has got a serious problem, how his cock does not get ripped off, I'll never know.
Is it an attempt at penis enlargement and has he misread the instructions?
Notice the talcum powder on the shaft of his cock, presumably so that it does not slip out of it's hanging device.
Also, the size of his helmet, it's the size of a large peach and looks like it's about to burst!
The fan in the background is presumably there to cool him down. Evidently hanging by your cock is hot work.
Click on picture to ENLARGE it.
There are much easier ways of getting a longer penis, please, just look at this page on Penis Enlargement Information if you don't believe me!
Daughter: Mummy, where do babies come from?
Mother: Oh... Erm... Well dear, a mummy and daddy fall in love and get married. Then one night they go into the bedroom and they kiss and hug and have sex... That means the daddy puts his penis into the mummy's vagina... And that's how you get a baby, darling.
Daughter: Oh... OK... But the other night I went into your bedroom and daddy had his penis in your mouth! Mummy, what do you get when you do that?
Mother: Jewellery.
Pull the skin back off the top,
your heavy, meaty lolli-pop.
Caress my nuts between my thighs
and use your tongue to gauge my size.
Lick my cock from balls to glans,
weigh my nuts with both your hands.
Accept my cock between your lips,
take it down as I thrust my hips.
Feel it throb with a life of its own,
I hold your head as I ram it home.
The swollen head, the bulging veins,
the power that your mouth contains.
Deep throat it as far as you can,
your lips stretched across its span.
You raise your face and our eyes meet,
you know you're giving me a treat!
I am in heaven but I want more,
you are my lover, my slut, my whore!
You feel my thrusting start to quicken,
my nuts raise and my shaft thicken.
My cock is swollen, shiney and wet,
it's a blow job I won't forget!
My heart races, my breathing is shallow,
what will you do, spit or swallow?
A few more thrusts and then I'm done,
your mouth, your face, all covered in cum.
The look on your face is pure delight,
you know that you have made my night!
My friends at Bionic Tonic alerted me to another review that just appeared on their site. It's by Maria and once again about the Bam dildo, it's quite a read...
My first impression of the Bam was this is so big!
Now after several weeks of having Bam in our collection all hubby has to do is start setting up our laptop in the bedroom and I know what to do. After my shower I put on something sexy and lay on the bed. He kisses and nibbles me in all the right places then gets the lube on Bam and tells me here it comes or hands it to me and tells me to just get wild. He has me bang myself first until I have my first orgasm then as I perform oral on him he takes control of Bam and makes me cum again. We have done this each time he wants to and I really love being like a slut for him. One day if he may want me to try a real black cock but for now Bam will do nicely!
~ Maria
Not surprisingly she recommends the Bam dildo and gives it 10 out of 10.
She never left her email address and is not an account holder so she did not write this review for financial gain (Bionic Tonic reward review writers with a £5.00 discount). She must have wrote this heartfelt review for the sheer sexiness of it. We love Maria!
Just so that you know, the Bam dildo is a massive 13" long and over 3" thick (you cannot get your fingers around it).
In other reviews of huge dildos that I have read, the women all say how much they love that 'full-up feeling' and go on to say that after they have experienced several orgasms their vagina's contract to become very small inside. It is then that their partners fuck them with their 'normal sized' penis.
It's a serious pussy stretcher.
Read the other
Bam Dildo Reviews.
Other posts about huge dildos, the Bam and stretched open vaginas include Huge Black Cock and Fucked By Huge Dildos. Check them out.
