The Banana Bar - Amsterdam

I went for the first time to Amsterdam with several friends back in 1983. After finding an extremely seedy hotel to stay in (the owner gave us a block of marijuana to get us 'started'), we headed straight for the red light area. There were many young hookers in the windows and we were like pigs in shit. The cost of a beautiful young whore was 50 Guilders... We soon found a pub called The Old Sailor and went in to buy drinks. It became our base for the rest of the weekend. The Old Sailor still exists and to this day is one of my favourite pubs in the red light area.

Four or five of us decided to go into a bar a few yards from the Old Sailor after the guy on the door told us that you could drink as much as you wanted and the girls behind the bar would do sexy tricks for you if you paid them. I think it was a Guilder per minute, with 30 minutes minimum payment. There were 4 Guilders to the Pound back then, so it was pretty good value.

There was a tap on the bar where you could pour your own lager from and we immediately set about getting our 'monies worth'. We negotiated with one girl to stick a banana up her pussy and spent some time at the end of the bar, in full view of the other punters doing just that. Then I got one of the bar girls to squat on my face and take a folded 10 Guilder note off my nose. I had a fantastic view of her undercarriage as she came into land but it wasn't as much fun as it sounds!

We'd had a great time and were just about to leave when one of my mates called Mark asked a bar girl if she would stick a banana up his arse. The girl said that if he got stripped off and got on the bar she would. We all thought that Mark was joking and started to leave again. When we looked back we saw Mark stark bollock naked on the bar so we returned to the bar just as a crowd was gathering.

Mark was on all fours, his nuts were very slack and swinging between his legs. The crowd had a great view as the girl tried to push a huge banana up his arse but it would not go. Mark told her to loosen his arse up with her finger which she did for a minute or two. The crowd had gone silent, realising perhaps that they were in for a treat. With Marks arse hole suitably loosened the girl was able to bury the banana several inches deep. By this time we had got our camaras out and were taking pictures. This was not allowed but no one complained. Someone in the crowd cracked a joke and Mark burst out laughing, as he did, the banana shot out of his arse and skidded accross the bar several feet away. Hoots of laughter went up followed by clapping and cheering. Mark quickly got dressed and we fled crying with laughter back to the Old Sailor.

The weekend was a huge success, all my mates fucked hookers and Mark even fell in love with one, returning several times to fuck the arse off her. Now, twenty four years later, that weekend is always considered by those who went on it to have been one of the very best.