A guy went fishing and sat on the river bank for hours and caught 'fuck all'. Just down the bank from him a guy was 'pulling them out.'

At the end of the day he went down the bank and asked the guy what he was doing to catch so many fish.

The guy told him it's all down to where you fish. His 'swim' was the best on the river and you always caught fish there.

He then told the guy that he was getting married next weekend, so the 'swim' would probably be free.

The guy waited all week, he could NOT wait to get in that 'swim' and catch fish like the other guy. It was all he thought about all week...

When he went down to the river the next weekend, 'fuck me!' that guy was fishing in the same 'swim' again. Shit!

He went up to him, he was very annoyed.

"I thought you were getting married this weekend."

The guy replied "I did."

"You should be at home fucking your wife!"

The guy replied "I can't, she's got Gonorrhea!"

"Then you should stick it up her arse!"

The guy replied "I can't, she's got diarrhoea!"

"Then you should stick it in her mouth!"

The guy replied "I can't, she's got piarhea!"

"She's got Gonorrhea, diarrhoea and piarhea, why the fuck did you marry her?"

The guy replied "She's my supply of maggots!"

FiFi: "'Ere, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Zsa Zsa: "No but I have been swung around by the tits!"

I just found this short clip of some girl with a Bam (The page has now been removed - not surprisingly!) Complete with squelching sounds as she fucks herself!

Here's the story of Victoria and the Bam Dildo as told by her boyfriend Jamie. He sure is a lucky guy! This is the flip-side of Bam Dildo Review - Victoria Has Been Fucked! which was by Victoria. Both are well worth a read.

Hi, My name is Jamie and I am the very lucky bastard who is lucky enough to be married to the gorgeous Victoria, its a hard job but someone has to do it. I thought I would write and tell you about the most amazing valentines night we had with the help of a rather large black dildo from bionictonic.

We had booked in to a rather nice hotel, we have been working our arses off a felt we needed to break, some well earned us time.

After the meal and far to many glasses of champagne we made our way back to the room, I knew under that rather sexy black dress she had on stockings and the most sexy new underwear, just waiting to be ripped off, she had been teasing me all night.

As soon as we were back in the room I had to have her and pushed her over on all fours over the large armchair, pushing her skirt up over her backside and pushing her knickers to one side I felt straight away the warmth and wetness coming from her pussy. I pushed a finger in, then a couple more, she was so wet I knew she would be begging for a good stretching. I got our new Bam dildo out, leaving her fingering herself hard and getting really desperate for a hard seeing to. As soon as I pressed the hard dildo to her lips she was squirming, wanting it deep inside her, slowly I stretched her open and it was in her deep, not satisfied with this she begged to be fucked hard and who am I to let the poor girl down. I rammed that large Bam dildo right up her as hard as she could take it, before long she was screaming and begging for it harder, then she came long and hard, god knows what the people in the next room thought!!

Afterwards still wanting more and with the rather clever suction on the bottom of the dildo she attached it to the bathroom floor tiles, now dressed just in her stockings and heels she gave herself another seeing to for my viewing pleasure, seeing her lowering her self onto it, seeing her lips part and it going in and out of her, I was so hard and gagging for some of the action, so while she was still sat on it I shoved my cock in her mouth and got her to suck me off, what a valentines treat, the most beautiful horny woman, sexily dressed on a huge dildo with my cock juice dribbling down her lips.

Any way, you can buy the Bam Dildo here.

Great News! I just heard that Quality Adult Sex DVDs are doing another SPECIAL OFFER - Pay only what you see for each item - there are no postage and packing charges whatsoever!

In addition to this offer each 3rd film is FREE. So what are you waiting for? Every DVD including their latest films are included in this brilliant offer!

Just check out the big black cock on the left, hanging out of her guts. It's HUGE!

There are several movies on the Huge Cocks page that have Previews and I recommend having a look. See mouths stretched to the limit, never mind gaping vaginas!

Prices for Huge Cock DVDs from as little as £6.95...

So if BIG FAT COCKS are your thing, get over there now...

Every day we hear another bank somewhere in the world is in trouble...

They've caused this whole problem themselves by lending money to people who cannot afford to pay it back. They've acted like whores and now we are all going to pay for their greed.

I've just heard that Origami Bank in Japan has folded.

And just in case you're wondering what this has got to do with sex, well, we're all fucked!

A man finds a magic lamp and the genie grants him one wish.

The man thinks for a while and says "I wish to be surrounded by pussy!"

The man is granted his wish and turned into a Tampon...



The moral of this story:

No matter what you wish for, there is always a 'string attached'.

Q: What does an Aussie girl put behind her ears to make herself more attractive?

A: Her legs.

Q. What is the baggy wrinkled skin on the end of a penis called?

A. A man.