Q. How do you get a fat girl into bed.

A. "Piece of Cake."

You put your transfer in,
Your transfer out,
In out in out,
You fuck your club about,
You do the Christiano and
you change your mind,
that's what it's all about...
Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,
Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,
Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,
Knees bent, arms stretched,
DIVE DIVE DIVE!

I bought a pet Goldfish yesterday but the bloody thing is epileptic.

It's strange because it seems ok when I put it back in its bowl.

Turds Over 10 Pounds Must Be Lowered By Hand

Famous headline on front page of an English World War 2 news paper.

BRITISH PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS REAR

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The Vice Admiral's vice was the Rear Admirals's rear.

The Labour Party has decided to change its logo from a rose to a condom, believing it more accurately reflects their policies.

This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects pricks and gives you a sense of security whilst you are being fucked!

The neon sign outside says:

Liquor in Front. Poker in Rear.

Sorry, it's only a joke. Get it?

If you would like to see actual poking in the rear then take a look at these anal sex DVDs!!!!

Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist?

He got the sack...

Here's another great circumcision joke called The Old Circumcisionist.

Here's a FREE eBook to cheer you up!

Just click on the image and download it.

Some of the jokes are very funny and I laughed out loud. Hope you do too.

It's an executable file but I have virus checked it and it's cool.

Enjoy!

Who said you couldn't catch something off a toilet seat?

A guy went fishing and sat on the river bank for hours and caught 'fuck all'. Just down the bank from him a guy was 'pulling them out.'

At the end of the day he went down the bank and asked the guy what he was doing to catch so many fish.

The guy told him it's all down to where you fish. His 'swim' was the best on the river and you always caught fish there.

He then told the guy that he was getting married next weekend, so the 'swim' would probably be free.

The guy waited all week, he could NOT wait to get in that 'swim' and catch fish like the other guy. It was all he thought about all week...

When he went down to the river the next weekend, 'fuck me!' that guy was fishing in the same 'swim' again. Shit!

He went up to him, he was very annoyed.

"I thought you were getting married this weekend."

The guy replied "I did."

"You should be at home fucking your wife!"

The guy replied "I can't, she's got Gonorrhea!"

"Then you should stick it up her arse!"

The guy replied "I can't, she's got diarrhoea!"

"Then you should stick it in her mouth!"

The guy replied "I can't, she's got piarhea!"

"She's got Gonorrhea, diarrhoea and piarhea, why the fuck did you marry her?"

The guy replied "She's my supply of maggots!"

FiFi: "'Ere, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Zsa Zsa: "No but I have been swung around by the tits!"

Every day we hear another bank somewhere in the world is in trouble...

They've caused this whole problem themselves by lending money to people who cannot afford to pay it back. They've acted like whores and now we are all going to pay for their greed.

I've just heard that Origami Bank in Japan has folded.

And just in case you're wondering what this has got to do with sex, well, we're all fucked!

A man finds a magic lamp and the genie grants him one wish.

The man thinks for a while and says "I wish to be surrounded by pussy!"

The man is granted his wish and turned into a Tampon...



The moral of this story:

No matter what you wish for, there is always a 'string attached'.

Q: What does an Aussie girl put behind her ears to make herself more attractive?

A: Her legs.

Q. What is the baggy wrinkled skin on the end of a penis called?

A. A man.

Have you seen the mess Snails make?

You would never guess it was actually a man.


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Another snap from my holiday.


I see food!

I wonder if they are they Bi Valves?

They done wonders for my love muscle...