http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/ Interesting and humourous sex blog. Reviews and articles on porn, erotica, sex toys, sex poems, quotes and stories, news, webcams, and jokes. http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2010/06/16/clap_o_meter.html <p> I heard that Hughie Greene went to the Special Clinic and got 85 on the Clap-o-meter! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2010/01/25/theres_no_place_like_home.html <p> A guy goes into a whorehouse, slaps $100.00 down on the counter and says "I want the ugliest whore in the house and a burnt steak!" <br /><br /> The guy on the counter replies "Man, for $100 you can have the best looking girl here and a fillet steak..." <br /><br /> The guys says "I'm not feeling sexy, I'm feeling homesick!" </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2010/01/20/ive_discovered_twitter.html <p> Yes, I've discovered Twitter at last and it's fantastic! <br /><br /> It's the sensitive bit on a girl between the TWAT and the SHITTER! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/09/13/the_gay_gardener.html <p> Was up to his balls in Pete... </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/09/05/vagina_the_worlds_best_engine.html <p> The best engine in the world is the vagina:<br /> It can be started with a single finger.<br /> It takes any size piston.<br /> It's self lubricating.<br /> Every 4 weeks it does its own oil change.<br /> <br /> It's just a pity the management system is so fucking temperamental. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/09/04/whats_your_arsehole_for.html <p> A gay guy goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, doctor I think I have got AIDS, please help me!" <br /><br /> The doctor says "You must go to the pub and drink 10 pints of beer followed by a Vindaloo curry every night for the next week." <br /><br /> The gay guy brightens up a bit and says "Will that cure me doc?" <br /><br /> The doctor says "No but at least you will know what your arsehole is for!" </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/08/03/coke_bottle_up_ass_x_ray.html <p> <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/anal_beads/X-10_Beads.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow"><img src="images/arses/xray_bottle_up_arse.jpg" align="left" class="photo" alt="X-ray of bottle up arse" title="How Embarrassing"></a> Every picture tells a story! <br /><br /> And here's a story that some poor bastard wished they never had to tell. <br /><br /> Try explaining this away! <br /><br /> At some point during the insertion they must have realised that the bottle was jammed. And then they must have started to consider their options. To say they must have regretted their actions would be an understatement! <br /><br /> I would dearly love to hear the story behind (no pun intended) this. <br /><br /> Any way, it's a fact of life that some people love shoving things up their arse. It feels great... <br /><br /> But if you are bent (no pun intended) on sticking things up your back passage, please follow the following tips. <br /><br /> 1. Use proper sex toys such as <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/anal_beads.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Anal Beads</a> or <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/butt_plugs.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Butt Plugs</a> or <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/shop/anal_prostate_toys.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Prostate Toys</a>. <br /><br /> 2. Use plenty of <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/anal_lubricants.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Anal Lubricants</a>. <br /><br /> 3. A nice clean arsehole makes the whole (no pun intended) thing more pleasant. So use an <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/douches.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Anal Douche</a>. <br /><br /> 4. Do NOT stick large objects up your anus, if you must auto-sodomise yourself, use something small(ish). </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/21/fat_girl_question.html <p> Q. How do you get a fat girl into bed. <br /><br /> A. "Piece of Cake." </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/19/the_ronaldo_song.html <p> You put your transfer in,<br /> Your transfer out,<br /> In out in out,<br /> You fuck your club about,<br /> You do the Christiano and<br /> you change your mind,<br /> that's what it's all about...<br /> Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,<br /> Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,<br /> Woahhh Ronaldo is a wanker,<br /> Knees bent, arms stretched,<br /> DIVE DIVE DIVE!<br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/18/new_pet.html <p> I bought a pet Goldfish yesterday but the bloody thing is epileptic. </p> <p> It's strange because it seems ok when I put it back in its bowl. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/17/heavy_shit_going_down.html <p> <b>Turds Over 10 Pounds Must Be Lowered By Hand</b> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/16/one_up_the_bum_plenty_of_harm_done.html <p> Famous headline on front page of an English World War 2 news paper. <br /><br /> <b>BRITISH PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS REAR</b> <br /><br /> And if your thinking of pushing anything up someone's rear then check out these <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/butt_plugs.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Butt Plugs</a>, <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/sex_toys/anal_beads.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Anal Beads</a> and <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/shop/anal_prostate_toys.html" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Prostate Toys</a>... </p> <p> Would you really like to see what can happen if you <a href="http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/08/03/coke_bottle_up_ass_x_ray.html">Push a Bottle Up the Arse</a>! http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/15/hello_sailor.html <p> The Vice Admiral's vice was the Rear Admirals's rear. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/14/new_labour_party_logo_announcement.html <p> The Labour Party has decided to change its logo from a rose to a condom, believing it more accurately reflects their policies. </p> <p> This is because a condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects pricks and gives you a sense of security whilst you are being fucked! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/11/great_sex_bar.html <p> The neon sign outside says: <br /><br /> <b>Liquor in Front. Poker in Rear.</b> <br /><br /> Sorry, it's only a joke. Get it? <br /><br /> If you would like to see actual poking in the rear then take a look at these <a href="http://www.quality-adult-sex-dvds.co.uk/adult/dvd/1163_anal.html?ref=2009_06_11_great_sex_bar" target="_new" rel="nofollow">anal sex DVDs</a>!!!! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/06/10/blind_circumcisionist.html <p> Did you hear about the blind circumcisionist? <br /><br /> <b>He got the sack</b>... <br /><br /> Here's another great circumcision joke called <a href="http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2007/04/17/the_old_circumcisionist.html">The Old Circumcisionist</a>. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2009/05/23/free_jokes_ebook.html <p> <a href="/files/ebooks/101jokes.exe" target="_new" rel="nofollow"><img src="images/ebooks/101_hilarious_jokes.jpg" width="100" align="left" class="photo" title="101 Adult Jokes" alt="Adult Live TV" /></a> Here's a FREE eBook to cheer you up! <br /><br /> Just click on the image and <a href="/files/ebooks/101jokes.exe" target="_new" rel="nofollow">download</a> it. <br /><br /> Some of the jokes are very funny and I laughed out loud. Hope you do too. <br /><br /> It's an executable file but I have virus checked it and it's cool. <br /><br /> Enjoy! <br /><br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2008/11/08/lavatory_humour.html <p> <img src="/images/jokes/lavatory_humour.jpg" align="left" title="Man Lavatory" alt="Man Lavatory" class="photo"/> Who said you couldn't catch something off a toilet seat? <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2008/10/15/sex_and_fishing.html <p> A guy went fishing and sat on the river bank for hours and caught 'fuck all'. Just down the bank from him a guy was 'pulling them out.' <br /><br /> At the end of the day he went down the bank and asked the guy what he was doing to catch so many fish. <br /><br /> The guy told him it's all down to where you fish. His 'swim' was the best on the river and you always caught fish there. <br /><br /> He then told the guy that he was getting married next weekend, so the 'swim' would probably be free. <br /><br /> The guy waited all week, he could NOT wait to get in that 'swim' and catch fish like the other guy. It was all he thought about all week... <br /><br /> When he went down to the river the next weekend, 'fuck me!' that guy was fishing in the same 'swim' again. Shit! <br /><br /> He went up to him, he was very annoyed. <br /><br /> "I thought you were getting married this weekend." <br /><br /> The guy replied "I did." <br /><br /> "You should be at home fucking your wife!" <br /><br /> The guy replied "I can't, she's got Gonorrhea!" <br /><br /> "Then you should stick it up her arse!" <br /><br /> The guy replied "I can't, she's got diarrhoea!" <br /><br /> "Then you should stick it in her mouth!" <br /><br /> The guy replied "I can't, she's got piarhea!" <br /><br /> "She's got Gonorrhea, diarrhoea and piarhea, why the fuck did you marry her?" <br /><br /> The guy replied "She's my supply of maggots!" </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2008/10/15/two_hookers_talking.html <p> FiFi: "'Ere, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" <br /><br /> Zsa Zsa: "No but I have been swung around by the tits!" </p>