If at first you don't succeed,
Put your elbows on your knees.
Put your chin between your thumbs
Give a grunt and out it comes!

Part your lovely legs and then lay back,
Let me in between them at your crack,
You love me licking you down there I know,
It's a sure way to make your juices flow.

Raise your knees and thrust yourself at me,
Let me in between them at your pussy,
I put my tongue in there to make it glow,
You part your legs as far as they will go.

I take your button in between my lips,
And feel you gently start to raise your hips,
Your breathing quickens and I know that all is well,
Your orgasm's fast approaching I can tell.

You grab my ears and pull me into you,
The feeling is fantastic for me too,
You gasp aloud and clamp me with your thighs,
And those tremors deep in you begin to rise.

In that moment your life belongs to me,
I've lifted you and I have set you free,
Please do for me as I have done for you,
And I will know for sure our love is true.

Pull the skin back off the top,
your heavy, meaty lolli-pop.

Caress my nuts between my thighs
and use your tongue to gauge my size.

Lick my cock from balls to glans,
weigh my nuts with both your hands.

Accept my cock between your lips,
take it down as I thrust my hips.

Feel it throb with a life of its own,
I hold your head as I ram it home.

The swollen head, the bulging veins,
the power that your mouth contains.

Deep throat it as far as you can,
your lips stretched across its span.

You raise your face and our eyes meet,
you know you're giving me a treat!

I am in heaven but I want more,
you are my lover, my slut, my whore!

You feel my thrusting start to quicken,
my nuts raise and my shaft thicken.

My cock is swollen, shiney and wet,
it's a blow job I won't forget!

My heart races, my breathing is shallow,
what will you do, spit or swallow?

A few more thrusts and then I'm done,
your mouth, your face, all covered in cum.

The look on your face is pure delight,
you know that you have made my night!

men! who needs them?
i do not!
they eat your food
and smoke your pot.
they leave the seat up all the time
take all your money, every dime!
they take up all the room in bed
and snore all night, right by your head
and when its time for them to fuck
its "oooh baby, thats right, suck!"
then off they go, somewhere to cheat
while all you got is wet bed sheet.
men! who needs them?
all little boys
i bought myself some plastic toys!

I found this poem on www.ihatemen.com. Go check the site out.

And, if you need some plastic toys like the author of this poem then, can I suggest you check out Bionic Tonic.

See this! Don't bite it!
Just put it in your mouth,
You're supposed to suck it and like it!

You fucking bitch!
That's not what I call a fuck.
That was more like scratching an itch!

You're outta luck!
Just get in the bed and get naked
Cos tonight we're gonna fuck!

You fucking bitch!
That's not what I call a fuck.
That was more like scratching an itch!

Where's your passion?
I'm supposed to be your lover
But it seems like that's on ration.

You fucking bitch!
That's not what I call a fuck.
That was more like scratching an itch!

What's that look of pain?
Lay back and get your legs apart,
Cos we're gonna do it again!

Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his dick, the first I've sucked
Bless the bed, in which we fucked
And if my Mom chanced to walk in
Bless the shit I'd be in.

She offered her honour
He honoured her offer
And all night long he was
On her and off her.
~ Anonymous

It's a man's occupation
To stick his cock-alation
Up a woman's ventilation
To increase the population
Of the future generation
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?

This fuck is taking quite a while
To speed things up we doggy style
Swinging breasts and swinging nuts
I'm buried deeply in her guts
Her back arches, arse cheeks splayed
Her favourite way of getting laid
She raises slightly, hand comes through
Caresses first one ball, then two
My thrusting cock is just a blur
And soon I'm pumping cream in her

Lay your girl on the recliner
Visions of her wet vagina
When you hear her begin small sighs
It's time to gently part her thighs
Slip one, then two fingers in
Feel the roll back of your skin
Lay her hand on your throbbing tool
Lightly her fingers encircle you
Your cock is heavily veined and thick
She leans over and gives it a lick
From balls to tip she uses her tongue
Then her mouth before she's done
She removes her panties and lays back
And positions you against her crack
It takes three thrusts to bury you
She gasps, then starts to thrust back too
Push it in deep as far as it goes
She clenches on you and curls her toes
You grab her ankles high and wide
To help get more of you inside
You look down at her gaping hole
Wet and stretched around your pole
Hear the squelching sounds they make
That's one thing no girl can fake
You feel your balls against her bum
She sound's like she's about to cum
She runs her fingers through your hair
A few more strokes and you'll be there
Withdraw yourself as you explode
And cover her with your pearly load
Pussy, belly, breasts and face
Your sperm flies all around the place
Her back arches and as if in pain
She screams "fuck me!" again and again

May we?
Mais oui!

Higamous hogamous woman is monogamous,
Hogamous higamous man is polygamous.
~ Anonymous

I've lived too long, I'm in the ruck.
I've drunk too deeply of the cup.
I cannot spend, I cannot fuck.
I'm down and out, I'm buggered up

I believe this poem is by Pushkin but it was quoted by Winston Churchill in the TV drama 'The Gathering Storm'.

The poet Adrian Mitchell allegedly wrote this parody of Philip Larkin's rather sombre This Be The Verse. An all together nicer version when one considers the value of a family...

They tuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to but they do.
They give you all the quilts they have
And add some pillows just for you.

Man hands on happiness to man.
It shines out like a sweetshop shelf.
So love your parents all you can
And have some cheerful kids yourself.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Wouldn't it, Wouldn't it
Wouldn't it be funny
If a lady had a wooden tit
Wouldn't it be funny

Would you like to see a wooden cock now?

Tulips in the garden,
Tulips in the park.
But the tulips that I like the most,
Are two lips in the dark.

There was a man from Cape Cod,
Who put his own mother in pod,
His name it was Tucker,
The bleeder! The fucker! The cunt, the bastard, the sod!

If you are actually after some filth, rather than my limmericks, then you might have more luck with porn DVDs at Quality Adult Sex DVDs.

Of course, you could hang around here for a while and read this blog. Hope you do and that you enjoy it. Please feel free to leave comments.

Ealing is said to be the Queen of the Boroughs...

But this young lady put the rough in Borough.

There was a young lady from Ealing,
Who had a peculiar feeling,
She laid on her back and opened her crack,
And pissed all over the ceiling.

I'm sure she used to drink in the Queen Victoria by the green in Ealing years ago. And I'm sure I fucked her!

Long and thin, goes right in, does not please the lady.
Short and thick, does the trick, manufacture baby.

But if you are short and thin then you best study my penis enlargement page.