http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/ Interesting and humourous sex blog. Reviews and articles on porn, erotica, sex toys, sex poems, quotes and stories, news, webcams, and jokes. http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2008/11/12/more_lavatory_humour_toilet_graffiti.html <p> If at first you don't succeed, <br /> Put your elbows on your knees. <br /> Put your chin between your thumbs <br /> Give a grunt and out it comes! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2007/08/26/part_your_lovely_legs.html <p> Part your lovely legs and then lay back,<br /> Let me in between them at your crack,<br /> You love me licking you down there I know,<br /> It's a sure way to make your juices flow.<br /> <br /> Raise your knees and thrust yourself at me,<br /> Let me in between them at your pussy,<br /> I put my tongue in there to make it glow,<br /> You part your legs as far as they will go.<br /> <br /> I take your button in between my lips,<br /> And feel you gently start to raise your hips,<br /> Your breathing quickens and I know that all is well,<br /> Your orgasm's fast approaching I can tell.<br /> <br /> You grab my ears and pull me into you,<br /> The feeling is fantastic for me too,<br /> You gasp aloud and clamp me with your thighs,<br /> And those tremors deep in you begin to rise.<br /> <br /> In that moment your life belongs to me,<br /> I've lifted you and I have set you free,<br /> Please do for me as I have done for you,<br /> And I will know for sure our love is true.<br /></p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2007/07/03/cock_sucking_delight.html <p> Pull the skin back off the top,<br /> your heavy, meaty lolli-pop.<br /> <br /> Caress my nuts between my thighs<br /> and use your tongue to gauge my size.<br /> <br /> Lick my cock from balls to glans,<br /> weigh my nuts with both your hands.<br /> <br /> Accept my cock between your lips,<br /> take it down as I thrust my hips.<br /> <br /> Feel it throb with a life of its own,<br /> I hold your head as I ram it home.<br /> <br /> The swollen head, the bulging veins,<br /> the power that your mouth contains.<br /> <br /> Deep throat it as far as you can,<br /> your lips stretched across its span.<br /> <br /> You raise your face and our eyes meet,<br /> you know you're giving me a treat!<br /> <br /> I am in heaven but I want more,<br /> you are my lover, my slut, my whore!<br /> <br /> You feel my thrusting start to quicken,<br /> my nuts raise and my shaft thicken.<br /> <br /> My cock is swollen, shiney and wet,<br /> it's a blow job I won't forget!<br /> <br /> My heart races, my breathing is shallow,<br /> what will you do, spit or swallow?<br /> <br /> A few more thrusts and then I'm done,<br /> your mouth, your face, all covered in cum.<br /> <br /> The look on your face is pure delight,<br /> you know that you have made my night!<br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2007/02/27/boys_plastic_toys.html <p> men! who needs them?<br /> i do not!<br /> they eat your food<br /> and smoke your pot.<br /> they leave the seat up all the time<br /> take all your money, every dime!<br /> they take up all the room in bed<br /> and snore all night, right by your head<br /> and when its time for them to fuck<br /> its "oooh baby, thats right, suck!"<br /> then off they go, somewhere to cheat<br /> while all you got is wet bed sheet.<br /> men! who needs them?<br /> all little boys<br /> i bought myself some plastic toys! <br /><br /> I found this poem on <a href="http://www.ihatemen.com" target="_new" rel="nofollow">www.ihatemen.com</a>. Go check the site out. <br /><br /> And, if you need some plastic toys like the author of this poem then, can I suggest you check out <a href="http://www.bionictonic.co.uk/" target="_new" rel="nofollow">Bionic Tonic</a>. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2007/01/30/fucking_bitch.html <p> See this! Don't bite it!<br /> Just put it in your mouth,<br /> You're supposed to suck it and like it! <br /><br /> You fucking bitch!<br /> That's not what I call a fuck.<br /> That was more like scratching an itch! <br /><br /> You're outta luck!<br /> Just get in the bed and get naked<br /> Cos tonight we're gonna fuck! <br /><br /> You fucking bitch!<br /> That's not what I call a fuck.<br /> That was more like scratching an itch! <br /><br /> Where's your passion?<br /> I'm supposed to be your lover<br /> But it seems like that's on ration. <br /><br /> You fucking bitch!<br /> That's not what I call a fuck.<br /> That was more like scratching an itch! <br /><br /> What's that look of pain?<br /> Lay back and get your legs apart,<br /> Cos we're gonna do it again! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/09/28/bless_her.html <p> Holy mother, full of grace<br /> Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face<br /> Bless his hair that tends to curl<br /> Keep him safe from all the girls<br /> Bless his arms that are so strong<br /> Keep his hands where they belong<br /> Bless his dick, the first I've sucked<br /> Bless the bed, in which we fucked<br /> And if my Mom chanced to walk in<br /> Bless the shit I'd be in.<br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/09/27/honour_offer.html <p> She offered her honour<br /> He honoured her offer<br /> And all night long he was<br /> On her and off her.<br /> ~ Anonymous </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/09/25/a_mans_occupation.html <p> It's a man's occupation<br /> To stick his cock-alation<br /> Up a woman's ventilation<br /> To increase the population<br /> Of the future generation<br /> Do you get my explanation?<br /> Or do you need a demonstration? </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/09/20/doggy_style.html <p> This fuck is taking quite a while<br /> To speed things up we doggy style<br /> Swinging breasts and swinging nuts<br /> I'm buried deeply in her guts<br /> Her back arches, arse cheeks splayed<br /> Her favourite way of getting laid<br /> She raises slightly, hand comes through<br /> Caresses first one ball, then two<br /> My thrusting cock is just a blur<br /> And soon I'm pumping cream in her<br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/09/19/fuck_me_fuck_me_fuck_me.html <p> Lay your girl on the recliner<br /> Visions of her wet vagina<br /> When you hear her begin small sighs<br /> It's time to gently part her thighs<br /> Slip one, then two fingers in<br /> Feel the roll back of your skin<br /> Lay her hand on your throbbing tool<br /> Lightly her fingers encircle you<br /> Your cock is heavily veined and thick<br /> She leans over and gives it a lick<br /> From balls to tip she uses her tongue<br /> Then her mouth before she's done<br /> She removes her panties and lays back<br /> And positions you against her crack<br /> It takes three thrusts to bury you<br /> She gasps, then starts to thrust back too<br /> Push it in deep as far as it goes<br /> She clenches on you and curls her toes<br /> You grab her ankles high and wide<br /> To help get more of you inside<br /> You look down at her gaping hole<br /> Wet and stretched around your pole<br /> Hear the squelching sounds they make<br /> That's one thing no girl can fake<br /> You feel your balls against her bum<br /> She sound's like she's about to cum<br /> She runs her fingers through your hair<br /> A few more strokes and you'll be there<br /> Withdraw yourself as you explode<br /> And cover her with your pearly load<br /> Pussy, belly, breasts and face<br /> Your sperm flies all around the place<br /> Her back arches and as if in pain<br /> She screams "fuck me!" again and again </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/08/18/consent_asked_and_given.html <p> May we?<br /> Mais oui! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/06/29/man_is_polygamous.html <p> Higamous hogamous woman is monogamous,<br /> Hogamous higamous man is polygamous.<br /> ~ Anonymous </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/05/07/i_cannot_fuck.html <p> I've lived too long, I'm in the ruck.<br /> I've drunk too deeply of the cup.<br /> I cannot spend, I cannot fuck.<br /> I'm down and out, I'm buggered up<br /> </p> <p> I believe this poem is by Pushkin but it was quoted by Winston Churchill in the TV drama 'The Gathering Storm'. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/05/04/tucked_up_by_mum_and_dad.html <p> The poet Adrian Mitchell allegedly wrote this parody of Philip Larkin's rather sombre <a href="/2006/04/17/fucked_up_by_mum_and_dad.html">This Be The Verse</a>. An all together nicer version when one considers the value of a family... </p> <p> They tuck you up, your mum and dad.<br /> They may not mean to but they do.<br /> They give you all the quilts they have<br /> And add some pillows just for you.<br /> </p> <p> Man hands on happiness to man.<br /> It shines out like a sweetshop shelf.<br /> So love your parents all you can<br /> And have some cheerful kids yourself.<br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/04/17/fucked_up_by_mum_and_dad.html <p> They fuck you up, your mum and dad.<br /> They may not mean to, but they do.<br /> They fill you with the faults they had<br /> And add some extra, just for you.<br /> </p> <p> But they were fucked up in their turn<br /> By fools in old-style hats and coats,<br /> Who half the time were soppy-stern<br /> And half at one another's throats.<br /> </p> <p> Man hands on misery to man.<br /> It deepens like a coastal shelf.<br /> Get out as early as you can,<br /> And don't have any kids yourself.<br /> </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/03/30/wooden_tit.html <p> Wouldn't it, Wouldn't it<br /> Wouldn't it be funny<br /> If a lady had a wooden tit<br /> Wouldn't it be funny </p> <p> Would you like to see a <a href="/2006/03/11/huge_stiff_cock.html">wooden cock</a> now? </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/03/18/two_lips_of_amsterdam.html <p> Tulips in the garden,<br /> Tulips in the park.<br /> But the tulips that I like the most,<br /> Are two lips in the dark. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/03/03/milf.html <p> There was a man from Cape Cod,<br /> Who put his own mother in pod,<br /> His name it was Tucker,<br /> The bleeder! The fucker! The cunt, the bastard, the sod! </p> <p> If you are actually after some filth, rather than my limmericks, then you might have more luck with <a href="http://www.quality-adult-sex-dvds.co.uk?ref=2006_03_03_milf" target="_new">porn DVDs</a> at Quality Adult Sex DVDs. </p> <p> Of course, you could hang around here for a while and read this blog. Hope you do and that you enjoy it. Please feel free to leave comments. </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/03/01/young_lady_from_ealing.html <p> Ealing is said to be the Queen of the Boroughs... </p> <p> But this young lady put the <b>rough</b> in Bo<b>rough</b>. </p> <p><i> There was a young lady from Ealing,<br /> Who had a peculiar feeling,<br /> She laid on her back and opened her crack,<br /> And pissed all over the ceiling. </i></p> <p> I'm sure she used to drink in the Queen Victoria by the green in Ealing years ago. And I'm sure I fucked her! </p> http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/02/24/penis_length.html <p> Long and thin, goes right in, does not please the lady. <br /> Short and thick, does the trick, manufacture baby. </p> <p> But if you are short and thin then you best study my <a href="http://www.adultsexotica.co.uk/2006/01/07/penis_enlargement.html">penis enlargement</a> page. </p>