Was up to his balls in Pete...

Turds Over 10 Pounds Must Be Lowered By Hand

Famous headline on front page of an English World War 2 news paper.

BRITISH PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS REAR

And if your thinking of pushing anything up someone's rear then check out these Butt Plugs, Anal Beads and Prostate Toys...

Would you really like to see what can happen if you Push a Bottle Up the Arse!

The Vice Admiral's vice was the Rear Admirals's rear.

I didn't say Micky Mouse had buck teeth!

I said he was FUCKING GOOFY!

The first time I ever saw my current girlfriend she was wearing a very sexy and very tight pair of jeans.

I went over to her and asked "How do you get into those tight jeans."

She replied "You can start by buying me a few drinks..."

Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

Confucius say: Woman who stand on head, crack up.

Confucius say: Rape is impossible, woman with skirt up can run faster than man with trousers down.

Have you ever wondered why condoms traditionally come in a packet of three?

The last time I wanted it three times was before I'd had it once...

Judging by the smell I thought it would have been bigger.
~ Anonymous

If girls are made of sugar and spice, why do they smell of fish?
~ Anon.

I kissed her lips tenderly, then she crossed her legs and broke my glasses!
~ Anon.

I'm so unlucky that if I got half a woman, I'd get the half that talks.
~ Anon

If it's long and thick and buried to the hilt then it's IN decent.
~ Anonymous Woman

I was fucking a girl with a huge pussy years ago, and she said "I've had a coil fitted".

She could have had a carpet fitted!

Guys, if your girl could have a 'carpet fitted', then maybe you should have a little look at this pussy tightener.

Vibrators don't prematurely ejaculate.

If Typhoo put the 'T' in Britain. Who put the 'cunt' in Scunthorpe?
~ Anonymous

Vibrators don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.

Men are like public toilets, they are either engaged or full of shit!
~ Anonymous